Today I went through our hall closet to try to organize and assess what the hell was in there and what I should do with it. I thought it would be a huge project, but it didn't really take that long, just an hour or so to take everything that was mine out of the closet, and sort it into piles of keep for now, send home, give away, and throw away.

It's amazing how much stuff I own that I had completely forgotten about. It feels great to purge a lot of junk. I tend to just hold on to crap I don't need or don't even want anymore "just in case," and this trip is proving to be a great motivator to clear out most of that stuff. I am trying to be very honest with myself about things that are truly worth keeping, and things that I really won't miss even after the trip is over, whenever that is. So far my pile of things to send home consists mostly of work-appropriate clothing and "fancy" clothing that is good quality and in good condition. Things that I can realistically see needing post-trip and would prefer to not have to spend money to replace eventually, but not things that I can see any reason to bring with me in the van, where we have limited space.

Like Aram, I will be bringing one full work-appropriate outfit, should the need arise for an interview if we decide to settle down somewhere for awhile. But other than that, most of my nicer clothes will be heading home to my generous parents' basement for the duration of the trip.

So far, that stuff, it's one suitcase, and I've gone through everything I own. Of course I have clothes I am keeping for now, as there are still almost 3 months until we leave and I will be keeping my job until almost that point, necessitating more than just the bare essentials I'll be bringing in the van. But I foresee probably no more than one more small bag of clothes going home to my parents' house.

By comparison, these are the bags of "giveaway" that Aram and I have collected so far. It's mostly mine.

Don't mind the roommate's cat sneaking in for a cameo there.

And these are the bags of "throw away". That red suitcase too. That shit has been broken for years. Why did I keep it?

The cat is not for throw away! Maybe she wants the red suitcase for herself?

What's left to pack up is strange limbo things that we won't need in the van, but we'll need in the time between now and when we leave-- kitchen applicances, candles, mirror, the few pieces of furniture we want to keep, the art on our walls, and books. Well, I guess we don't "need" the art, but I want our home to still feel like a home for as long as it can.

I can't believe how much useless shit I own. I can't wait to get rid of these bags. I held on to clothes that were irreparably damaged, stained, ripped, or in good condition but things I wouldn't have worn a year ago, let alone today. I don't know why I've done that in the past but I'd love to stop, and I hope that this clean-out will be a lesson for me in learning to keep my things a little simpler. I only wear a small portion of what I own. My tastes are very simple and I'm very happy to wear the same things over and over if they are comfortable and I feel good in them. I have not yet put together a list of what clothing items I'll be bringing on the trip, but I'm working on a mental one for now.

I need to get a raincoat. Or find mine. I thought I had one somewhere.

In any case, the closer this trip gets, the more nervous and excited I am to embark. For me, a huge part of this is that I am not ready to be settled anywhere. I feel as though I have seen basically nothing, and I want to see and experience so much more before I take any more "adult" steps like going back to school to get my MFA, which I do eventually want to do, or pursue a more concrete career. I want to spend many months outside, hiking, camping, seeing the most beautiful places I can, meeting new people. I guess it sounds idealistic, but I don't think I will have the opportunity later on, so I want to do it now, while I can. For me, this trip is a dream, something I must have fantasized about in high school but wrote it off as a silly wish that teenagers have-- but now, we're going to do it. I have no idea what it will be like or how I will feel about the adventure once we're actually moved into the van and traveling around in it. But the more I pack and clean and prepare myself and my "stuff" for this trip, the more I can't wait to start.

I love Philadelphia, and may very well return here. I will very much miss all the wonderful things about it, and the awesome, super chill people I've met and spend time with here. But for now, the thought that just keeps pounding in the back of my neck-- all I feel is this; June, come fast!