shit
We have finished with the visiting. We have seen Aram's mom and stepdad and my parents and brother and grandfather. I saw my friends who live in Cambridge and said goodbye. We tested our tent in the backyard. Now we are actually, really, truly leaving tomorrow. I had all this talk and all these thoughts about being calm and ready and some kind of bullshit zen experience of feeling like this was just going to happen and it was going to be fine.
Well let me tell you, I am fucking terrified.
But! But but it is an exciting terror, terror of something I have no guesses about, something I can't predict. I have no idea what the next six months of my life are going to be like, but I know they will be unlike any other six months of my life up to this point.
Oh god oh god oh god
Okay, sure. You got me. I'm freaking out a little bit.
In less panicky news, I started reading and finished David Sedaris' When You Are Engulfed In Flames. It was wonderful; wonderfully poignant and funny. I have never read anything by him before and now I understand why people have always recommended him to me. I have since started Me Talk Pretty One Day and so far am enjoying it equally. I'm looking forward to reading quite a bit on this trip. Probably a lot of my entries in this blog will be partially about the books I am reading. I am hoping to get back in the habit of writing about literature. I enjoyed doing that so much in college, and I think I can enjoy it just as much when it's only for fun; not for a class or a grade. In any case right now all I can think about is how tomorrow I'm going to wake up and my parents will be gone for work and Aram and I will pack up the van and arrange things and we will drive away and head for Portland, ME, which is our first stop. And then from there we will camp and then head into Canada. And then and then and then
I have been talking about this trip for over two years. Now it is actually, literally happening. We left in stages-- first we left Philadephia in a car, then we picked up the van, then we went to my house near Boston...now tomorrow we are actually leaving.
I am repeating it a lot hoping it will sink in. I am panicking-- I know this. I panicked every day at my job. But this is different. Something about it feels good. I guess that's a good sign? Oy.
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